Responses to Passive/Aggressive Office Notes (NSFW!)

There are many things I miss being a freelancer. Daily office life holds wonderful human interaction and negates the need to try to persuade the FedEx delivery person to come in and spend some time hanging out. On the other hand, besides everything being SFW (safe for work) around my studio, including “Casual Fridays,” which consist of sitting at the computer in my underwear, I am never privy to the exciting and threatening passive/aggressive notes that are posted throughout offices all over the world. Yes, in a poorly veiled attempt to remain professional, usually a coworker’s anger rises to the surface, ruining their reputation among their coworkers forever and ever and ever.

First of all, why are things “not safe for work?” The office is the place that holds so many horrid, disgusting and emotionally scarring incidents, why are a few four-lettered words considered an HR offense? Because we’re hypocrites, I suppose, and the notes we leave for each other, outside the form of “acceptable corporate communications” can not only be an HR offense in themselves but they are often childish and falsely threatening, proving offices are just grownup versions of the school playground.

My favorite recollection of a passive/aggressive note and the response was on the wall of my department’s mens’ room wall, at the line of urinals. Some coworker was picking his nose while at the urinal and wiping the green “nose nuggets” on the tile wall. When someone finally posted a poorly typeset note on the wall, asking the perpetrator to wipe his boogers elsewhere, the “nasal-matter miner” simply used the note as the new depository. Then there were other examples throughout my corporate career that got REALLY disgusting!

So, here’s some classic notes and responses I hope you’ll find amusing. If not, leave a comment of your displeasure but expect a response from me, as I’m the moderator of all comments and my freelancing has left me jonesing for a chance to leave a snarky response to an office note! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

The next day, the graphic designer was fired!

Another reason to use single serving packets or eat out.

If I remember my science classes, sugar and water make sugar water. Just squirt it into your coffee!

If the artist gets caught it’s 7-9 in a penal institution… if you know what I mean!

Someone’s pissed off!

There’s a sign that “mangerment” is in the right position to run a company.

Both of you take a few cold ones for your trip on the express bus to Hell.

Be kind. The person may only have the recipe for ice at their home.

The next person is going to be sad when they discover there’s no toilet paper left.

The graphic designer broke out in a sweat when the detective exclaimed he knew who had committed the crime.

And this wise ass is a murdered to boot! Personally, I’d just put up a picture of the Wright Brothers and leave animal abuse to the cosmetic companies.

Elaine has issues and has also marked her cubicle with her “spray.”

Oh, you don’t like “ethnics,” hmmmm? Well, HR will have something to say about this!

It’s a great day whenever you can “Shrute” coworkers!

This is why I always go by a nickname in an office. Cuts down on confusion and they can never fire me because they don’t know my real name.

See more weird notes at: BuzzFeed, PassiveAggressiveNotes.comComplex.com and an office near you!

Speider Schneider

Speider Schneider is a former member of The Usual Gang of Idiots at MAD Magazine and has designed products for Disney/Pixar, Warner Bros., Harley-Davidson, ESPN, Mattel, DC and Marvel Comics, Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon among other notable companies. Speider is a former member of the board for the Graphic Artists Guild, co-chair of the GAG Professional Practices Committee and a former board member of the Society of Illustrators. Follow him on Twitter @speider

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2 Comments

  1. Gillian van Niekerk March 10, 2013

    thank you, I did indeed LOL. I wouldn’t last a week going back to “work”. Perhaps I can leave snarky messages for myself here at home and spend all day creating clever comebacks.

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